Family and Blackjack

[ZeeBabar]

Two years ago, my wife was unaware of my interest in BZj and I was not playing much. Then, when we started getting casino mailers, I explained that the casino sent those and other free offers because of my position and income and she bought it. I made casino visits while telling her I was off to visit my brother (about 2 hours away). After my first year of consistent winning, I showed her my records, explained what had paid for our Florida vacation and she was shocked. She was a bit angry that I had made casino trips while she thought I was at my brothers but seeing the win/loss record, she was okay. All her stereo types were still there and she occasionally expresses that I might be addicted or may lose all my retirement savings. Then I got comped rooms in Las Vegas, we flew out and she had a grand time. She accepts it now but I only play part time, my main income comes from my regular job. I have begun giving 10% of my monthly BJ winnings to her, the rest go to my BR.

[mjbballar23]

Be careful how much information is given to others about your play. In can come back to haunt you in less than amicable partings.

sounds like your speaking from experience muff. I will second it, though i have no first hand experience (but lots of second hand experience).

[Exoter175]

I live in a house with 3 other APs/gaming people. Isn't that how everyone does it? Someone on another site recently referred to it as my 'kooky' Las Vegas family. I wanted to retort, but in all honesty, that's a fair reference.

Our household consists of myself, my business partner & significant other (same person) who I married last fall, my brother who has lived with us since he graduated college last spring and whom I am currently teaching the 'family business' to and our poker playing housemate/friend. It is stretch to call him an AP, but he has incorporated some AP play into his poker playing...um..."career" in the last year.

Now I do know that my situation and household is a bit a-typical. The famous saying is something about not mixing business with pleasure, but it works for me and frankly is the only way I would choose to do it. Blackjack & blackjack AP isn't just my job or career....It is my life...It is who I am. I couldn't be with anyone (relationship-wise) or even live with people that didn't 'get' and weren't supportive of what I do.

My mother is a gambler, all her boyfriends were gamblers, her new husband is a gambler, and of course I started off as a gambler. A big "mainstay" on that side of my family is gambling. Ironically, my father hated gambling and divorced my mother because of it, and a few other things like her inability to quit smoking, to which he detested.

My Ex LOVED gambling, but didn't understand what I was trying to accomplish, the two ex's before her hated gambling and thought it was a waste of money, but would run up a 200 dollar bar tab on a Saturday night. The "current" girl I'm seeing, is employed by one of my "regular" places, and we're keeping our relationship a little "off books" right now, and since I'm leery of her relation to the place I'm milking my income from, she knows nothing about my love for blackjack

If she wants to change who you are, why do you want to be with her?

My ex-wife wouldn't have understood. (I got into this after she left.) My ex-girlfriend didn't understand it. (She thought it was supposed to be about fun, not about profit.)

My current girlfriend understands it, supports it, and enjoys the comped dinners. She doesn't like it when I'm out all night once in a while, since I often forget to check in every few hours like she likes - but her objection is to my failure to communicate (and assuage her paranoid fear of my demise), not about me going out and playing cards as a part-time side job.

That is one of my biggest annoyances while in a relationship with a girl who doesn't gamble or doesn't "get it", when they sit there and blow up my phone because I haven't checked in. I don't know how many times I've uttered the phrase "I'm sorry babe, but I can't check my phone at the table, and I wasn't about to stop playing just to call you back that instant. You know I'm fine and I'll call you back the second I am free".

[Dieter]

The "current" girl I'm seeing, is employed by one of my "regular" places, and we're keeping our relationship a little "off books" right now

Please say she's a non-gaming employee, so there's no risk of being accused of collusion.

[muffdiver]

sounds like your speaking from experience muff. I will second it, though i have no first hand experience (but lots of second hand experience).

No, I'm really not speaking from experience. It's just another illustration of my ever present cynicism. I've never been married. My two current girlfriends both know that I play a lot of BJ and video poker but neither one knows that I play both at an advantage. Most of my drinking buddies don't know either and I plan to keep it that way.
We do everything we can to conceal our AP from the casinos and the least amount of people that could possibly rat us out the better, in my way of thinking.

[muffdiver]

The masses aren't aware of AP. You know the standard lines. "All the bright lights and glitter of casinos aren't paid for by winners" (true, of course). The point I'm trying to make, is that most don't think that gaming can be played at an advantage. That's why it gets the typical negative response and definition from family and friends. If I were one that told people of my approach and got that response, I think I would tell them to google "advantage play" to get a better understanding.
While your at it, also tell them that even though money can be made, it's far less than an attractive and easy way of doing it. Warn them about the much needed discipline and mental stability. Combine those things with the necessary starting bankroll, lifestyle and working conditions and 90-95% are weeded out.

muffdiver

[Three]

My wife is the one that suggested a gambling career as a backup when the economy crashed and never really recovered. She was thinking poker AP but she had seen me beat so many games she knew I had some choices. I want a known advantage if my income depends on it so I wanted to sharpen me BJ skills. I never really took it very seriously before that so though I was a counter and won a lot more than I lost I was leaving so much on the table and taking far to much risk. After years of study i found myself ready for being a full time AP. I will ride my job out to the end but the company is selling of assets to close down. n a couple years I will most likely be unemployed as the last employee standing when nothing is left. I have taken steps to reduce risk to the pint I don't need to hit my BR goal to go pro.

Anyway my wife is fine with what I do. Sometimes she wishes I had taken a different career path but she knows I would not do it if I would fail. She has seen what can happen both good and bad and understands this is probably the best path for a s long as it lasts. My advice is to let the woman think she is in charge and only take charge when she is really Fing up. Allow her the illusion of control but be ready to take the wheel to avoid crashing. She will love and respect you for that. It is the most enjoyable way for both parties. Of course that depends on the individuals but generally speaking.

[muffdiver]

Good points MD. Ironic, blackjack players are viewed by the uneducated as "gamblers". I'd never really communicated with other players before this forum. But I would say the top-notch APs are actually very conservative people. But two GF's? And blackjack AP. You are a busy guy.

I don't tell many that, either. I knew you could keep a secret!

[muffdiver]

They're about 100 miles apart most of the time and I'm cautious. My conscience? It bothers me but obviously not enough.

[Sharky]

...Our household consists of myself, my business partner & significant other (same person) who I married last fall...

so you came out?...good for you...so that really was you gay (roller) blading the spots on the strip in the hottie pick shorts?

[Sharky]

hope i am not outing my identity...but i have been rollerblading for exercise all over the country....all parts of Cali, Chitown, Detroit, Pittsburgh, NYC, and everywhere in Florida, and many other places...ck out the Freedom Roll in Philly, which is awesome...it is great exercise no pressure on joints, and great way to see the city and meet folks....i find the skating groups in diff cities and, if i must say so myself, def one of the best everywhere i go...just like at the tables

for sure didn't mean anything derogatory and couldn't care less about anyone's orientation...wish you all the best, bud

[winnawinna]

My new wife supports my AP play but my ex-wife did not. That was part of why we got divorced, although I don't believe it. Anyhow, it was the final blow when she found out how frequently I went to the casino. My wife is now is my support system as not many people know what I do. Most of my time playing is during the week when I can get away without taking time away from the wife. She sometimes accompanies me on weekend trips and she almost knows BS. I always tell her my wins/losses and when things are really good, I usually throw her a few bucks for mani/pedis.

[ZenKinG]

So far from the responses, I've gotten about an average response of 50/50. I guess it all depends on the girl/wife. Im all for one in taking charge in the relationship and wouldn't let a girl walk over me or prevent me from doing what I like, which is play blackjack, but one has to ask themselves, how many divorces this type of career can cause and if it's really worth it. Face it, society and especially women just don't understand advantage play. Also being out of the house all day, and then her having to tell the kids about what you do and when others ask her what I do could cause some embarrassment on her part and maybe trust issues of what I'm actually doing. We all know how fickle women can be and like to live up to society's standards and once she sees I got a 'gambling' problem and am not living a normal life, boom shes gone. Of course there's many other factors before a woman leaves.

Like I said, I wouldn't let a woman control my life, but at the same time I want to have a family one day and blackjack seems like it will cause some problems to provide that 'normal' family vibe due to societal stereotypes. Women like having a man with a 'stable' nice paying job that can provide for their kids and they don't view 'gambling' as 'stable'. Maybe im just overthinking it, but maybe blackjack really is good only for a part time basis as it will affect the rest of your life