I really want to apologise for thrusting this upon you.
Played again today, a ~ 5 hr session. Lost $1200. This is despite decreasing my max bet due to dwindling bankroll. I was never ahead at any point in the session and lost each hour of play. This included a run of 16 bets lost in a row when the TC remained +3 or higher.
I don't think that the house was actually winning any more money than usual. Players other than myself were getting dealt good hands and winning with them. But almost never me. In fact, I can't even think of any hands where I won and they lost, even though they have no idea of even basic strategy. So many times I was the only player who bust and the rest of the table won. Time after time after time. And I lost my session bankroll after losing four max bets where I was dealt a 12 and busted with a picture card - in succession.
The number of times the dealer got 21 after I got a 20 was countless. On the other hand, I cannot recall a single occasion when he got 21 after I bust.
I am now only $1800 ahead for the year, after about 40 sessions (my record in sessions is 24-16, but I have lost nine of the last eleven, and the wins I have had have been tiny compared to the losses). I was $7700 ahead as of Feburary 15, I have lost $5900 since then without changing any manner in which I play.
I no longer enjoy playing the game. Perhaps I will return to the game at some point in the future but I'm not going to the tables just to play to lose like most of the ploppies who go there. The dealers and the pit staff have treated me wonderfully, given my record so far. But to be at the short end of the stick day in day out gives me no enjoyment in this hobby.
The negative variation extends to outside the game - I play poker recreationally and am just perpetually card dead. Even when I get a good hand I lose to donkeys and worse players. Maybe I am just born unlucky. Maybe I just have a built-in disadvantage. I did NOT go on tilt and raise my bets.
The house edge at my casino is 0.38%. I know my basic strategy inside out. My average bet, at most, is $25.
A basic strategy playing 100 hands an hour (which is an overestimation) would, over an average 4-hour session, lose $25 x 4 x 100 x 0.0038 = $38 during that time. There is no way I am playing a negative expectation game given my spread (1-2x7.5 with a pivot of +2). I am routinely losing just about every session I play.
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