Dealing with the big loss.

[Exoter175]

This is a duplicate post of my post on BJ21, so I apologize to those that are members on both sites. I am posting both locations as to hear as many thoughts and responses as possible, especially from the fulltime type players.

Yesterday, I suffered my worst single day loss of my BJ career. For me, at my level of play, 5 figure losses in a day are fairly infrequent events. I guess I see 5-7 such losses in a day, per year. Yesterdays loss was the equivalent of 2 of those as I suffered a large loss on my first session of the day exhausting my available funds, replenished my typical single day BR and suffered a second similar large loss, later in the day.

It comes at a time that I was experiencing a fast start to my year, so I guess if there is a good time for such an experience this would be it. I am sure that statement will be disputed, so let me just say, I am not saying there is ever a good time or such a loss 'acceptable'.

So here's the thing and reason for my post. This loss has been weighing on my mind pretty heavy the last 24 hours. I am not talking beating the wife and kids kind of stuff. (I don't have kids). I am just saying I have really been 'dwelling' on yesterdays events much more so than normal, replaying events over and over. I feel like this is a flaw, especially for someone now in his 12th year of playing for a living.

Any thoughts, criticisms? Would love to hear if others go through similar emotions?

First thing's first. You still have a pulse, you likely didn't "act out" super irrationally to the point of causing yourself or your game its cover. There's an upside in that, and I hope you handled the beating well, eventually everyone will have a beating like this and it'll attempt to shake our very foundation. What you need to keep in mind is that absolutely anything can happen. I've had days where I made more money playing at neutral/TC-1 counts than in my TC1+ counts, and I know I shouldn't. I've had days where I've lost/pushed an entire shoe in a row, and I've had days where I literally had to force myself off the table because I was winning too much too easily, and at times when I shouldn't have been winning at all. Recognizing the "anomalies" in the game we play is very important to our sanity. Its very easy to jump the gun and blame a bad day on negative variance, so the first thing we have to do in a situation like this is calm our nerves, get level headed, and analyze our game. If we can't find any flaws in our game, any erroneous variables, or any "elephant in the room" scenarios, then its easy enough to chalk up a bad day like this to variance once we've eliminated all other options. If your game is sound and the casinos isn't in some way cheating you, then there aren't many more conclusions to draw.

I'm still technically in "year one" of being a professional KJ, and I've already experienced a day like this two or three times. The first time it happened, I lost my shit internally and took nearly a week off just stewing about it. Once I calmed down I went back through all that I could remember and visualize and figured out the issue (negative variance in a terrible way), and got back on that horse. The two other times this has happened I was far more calm and collected about the whole ordeal and knew where to start, where to look to "make sense" of it all. Now I've got myself a little mental checklist for days like these, on top of the little mental checklist and exercises I'll do day in and day out to ensure I'm operating at peak performance before I go slug it out.

Ultimately, its how you handle yourself and your emotions. We all know these days will come, we dread them, but for ever negative swing there is a positive swing and we keep grinding it out. At the end of the day you hope to have learned something about the situation, about you and your game, and you hope there is a "takeaway" from each experience like this. Often in situations like these (the large swings either for or against) I'll take the night or day to unwind and decompress from the emotional turmoil, stress, and constantly racing mind.

Honestly, and call me crazy here if it sounds this way, I have a harder time handling my "big wins" than I do my "big losses".

It happens. One of those "once in a decade" kind of days. You'll wake up some day in the future, and win all of that back, and probably another 50%.

Exactly!

[hitthat16]

Ahhh reminds me of the time I lost $1,600 in six hours with a $5 min bet! Good times good times...

i got it all back with interest, and you will too. Don't ever forget that.

[marriedputter]

In reading these comments, I find myself agreeing with them completely but not able to empathize as I imagine many others as well can not. In order to be able to know where you're coming from, I would have to have 1. Had losses in dollar amounts as high as yours. 2. Been at it as long as you have in order to understand the bewilderment of not being able to take a loss after so much experience. And 3. been depending on advantage play for my livelihood.

From spending time around here, I imagine that there are plenty that have played with this amount of money, but far less that have used advantage play as their means of paying the bills. You are among the elite KJ, if for no other reason because you have taken the leap of doing this for a living and have been successful at it for so long. I therefore imagine that at times like this, it may be lonely for you at the top since so few others can relate (heavy is the head that wears the crown). For me, it's supplemental income so I can't relate.

I did however start a thread a while back when my charts were at rock bottom called "Take heart, losing is wonderful." I almost said "good" instead of "wonderful" because I knew that I might stir up a hornets nest with that word, but I decided to leave it that way because I believe that it's true. I caught some flack from some but I stand behind it.
I am currently on the flip side and have hit an all time high. Here is the link for that thread if you would like to read it. Hopefully it will serve as some form of "chicken soup for the counter's soul!": http://blackjacktheforum.com/showthr...sing+wonderful

I guess I have to echo a similar message that has been said. You're a human being, not a robot. I personally would worry about anybody that didn't feel this way from time to time.

[Three]

You play long enough and you will see everything. That includes days like you described. Hopefully the plural won't be something you have to deal with. 12 years of serious full time play and you see the worst session results happen in the same day. It was likely to happen sooner or later. Hopefully you won't have a 3 catastrophy session day. The other side of the coin are the days you have monster wins. I am sure you have had them. In the long run you will hit EV.

Generally the simpler the approach the wider the swings in both directions. It all really comes down to the type of ride you are on toward the same end IN THE LONG RUN. A more complex approach will experience similar swings but often at different times. The bad swings are likely to be more spread out and of a lesser magnitude but it is kind of random when looking at the short term. The differences are in the long term and that is not likely to have a large affect or much of any affect in the short term. One ploppy playing a hand different or a change in one of your coin flip decisions and you might have won all those big bets and be celebrating your double huge win day. That is why the short run is so random. That different play from one system to the other could either make your session a nightmare or make it a wet dream. The system that faired better for the rest of the shoe from the different decision is just random having nothing to do with which is better. The short term is random. If you were having woes over a 6 month or longer bad run talking about a system doing better would be reasonable but in a day's results it is just what that random factor played out for your system that day.

I wouldn't worry about it. You got the double whammy nightmare out of the way. How often do you buy two winning lotto tickets in the short term? Hopefully it will be at least another 12 years before it happens again. Shrug it off or chill until your head is right. Then go back and start accumulating EV. After enough rounds it will all even out.

[marriedputter]

But over my 12 years of playing for a living, I have come to believe that blackjack really works best as either a supplemental income or just flat out profitable hobby.

I would most DEFINITELY agree with you on that. I would not want to do this for a living.

[marriedputter]

Oh stop that stuff. In the world of AP, especially among those that do so for a living, I am low man on the totem pole.....a salamander.

Well, I didn't mean the king of counters. I just meant that you are the head of your own business and therefore responsible for everything. It's that type of crown. It would hang heavy on my head anyway. Not a burden that I would want.

[ohbehave]

Sorry for your loss, but can't help but picture the look on the dealers face after what began as an innocent looking young man sliding into a seat with just a handful of green chips...

[tiny]

I take losses especially hard. I've been playing full time for about a year and a half (two years total) and it doesn't seem to get easier on me. I also play a wide variety of plays so it's pretty upsetting when you know how massive your edge is and still manage to get destroyed. I've been running under EV for the last few months and it's getting discouraging especially being a fairly new player.

I wish I could offer better advice than "I know how you feel" but big losses is something I've always struggled with. Funny enough, playing more and logging more hours actually helps me forget about it but that may be due to being a workaholic, haha.

[Sharky]

man, just keep focusing on the big picture...it really sucks losing a nice vacation, or a small car in your case - of course, all relative to risk tolerance - but you have to keep in mind the other side of the coin, those huge wins...your game is solid, no need to dwell as you are way ahead and these things do happen...it's all part of the biz, bro...you know that...most important is to stay positive and keep on keeping on (keep doing what you've been doing) as you are a proven winner

good luck

Sharky

[moo321]

Nothing wrong with hating to lose. I hate losing. Happens in a lot of industries.

Athletes hate to lose games, especially if they play badly. Hedge fund managers hate to lose money gambling in the financial markets. Trial lawyers hate to lose cases.

Just have to accept that you hate it, and try to move on.

[BJGenius007]

After a big loss, I would go home and beat crap to my computer.

I always set my playing program to the same setting and conditions as the casino I most frequently visit. At home, the speed is up 600% with no delay caused by ploppies. With a much bigger sample, comes smaller variance, so I am assured that there is nothing wrong with my counting because I am always beating crap off the two computer ploppies who play perfect Basic Strategy.

[21forme]

Athletes hate to lose games, especially if they play badly.

But they still get paid.

[Goodboy]

This is a duplicate post of my post on BJ21, so I apologize to those that are members on both sites. I am posting both locations as to hear as many thoughts and responses as possible, especially from the fulltime type players.

Yesterday, I suffered my worst single day loss of my BJ career. For me, at my level of play, 5 figure losses in a day are fairly infrequent events. I guess I see 5-7 such losses in a day, per year. Yesterdays loss was the equivalent of 2 of those as I suffered a large loss on my first session of the day exhausting my available funds, replenished my typical single day BR and suffered a second similar large loss, later in the day.

It comes at a time that I was experiencing a fast start to my year, so I guess if there is a good time for such an experience this would be it. I am sure that statement will be disputed, so let me just say, I am not saying there is ever a good time or such a loss 'acceptable'.

So here's the thing and reason for my post. This loss has been weighing on my mind pretty heavy the last 24 hours. I am not talking beating the wife and kids kind of stuff. (I don't have kids). I am just saying I have really been 'dwelling' on yesterdays events much more so than normal, replaying events over and over. I feel like this is a flaw, especially for someone now in his 12th year of playing for a living.

Any thoughts, criticisms? Would love to hear if others go through similar emotions?

KJ

I've endured similar events through my gaming life, both part time and now as a pro. In fact my biggest losing session has been just short of 40k. With a couple of 30k as well.

And I can tell you those big losses linger in my head longer than I would like it.

I've talked about this subject with close friends and there seems to be a clear trait called resilience, needed to endure this kind of life. And yes, I am gifted with that when it comes to the huge swings both short and long term we go through. But even with that, I still have the same feeling you are describing. I guess the difference comes about how long it lasts and if you let it or not affect your attack plan.

I am sure you'll overcome this, you'll keep pushing the bets and plans the same way as before the incident, and new session memories will replace the lingering ones.

Cheer up, I've been there...