Bettie: "The Sirens of TI" Review

Bettie · 11-06-2003, 03:09 PM

?The Sirens of TI? opened last week, replacing the pirate ship battle that had existed for most of the resort?s first ten years. TI, as Treasure Island is now called, has done away with nearly every trace of its former theme. The restaurants and bars still carry the same names ? Swashbuckler Bar, etcetera ? and the Buccaneer Bay still has its ships, but it?s not a pirate show by any means.

I had read that the only thing missing from this new spectacle (and it is a spectacle) was the brass pole for the girls to dance on, and that?s pretty much on the money. The ?story? goes that a cabin boy is called into the Sirens Cove and his captain has to go in and save him. A battle ensues, and the Sirens sink the pirates.

What really happens is a music video. The girls, dressed in slinky versions of homeland dress (one girl is French, one Asian, one Jamaican, etc. ? no pirate costumes) run around the ship rubbing their body parts against whatever they can find. No pole? No worries! They use the ropes, the plank, whatever. They call the cabin boy, who comes and then wants to leave as soon as he gets there, so they tie him up and use him as bait for the Bullship ? the men?s pirate ship. Of course, there?s lots of grinding, rubbing, and so on.

The pirates come and, apparently, they are all gay. At least, the captain is, because he wants nothing to do with the Sirens. Oh, and the pirates are now tribal ? using jungle percussion beats and Africanized dance moves to announce their arrival. Apparently, we?re supposed to think they are primal animals compared to the Sirens. It doesn?t really work that way when the women make sexual innuendos the whole time (?Seaman come into my cove.?) and the men are trying to rescue their comrade.

The pyrotechnics and sinking sequence are exactly the same as the old show ? nothing computerized was changed in that fashion ? but it somehow felt less ?action-y? and more lame. I recall a much bigger spectacle before, in the midst of all the action. Anyway, the women dance around with air coming up, so their clothes and hair fly around, and the lights and smoke are all done like a music video (did I mention that 95% of the show is sung?), and it?s not at all interesting.

Then, they finally sink the Bullship, and a couple girls complain that they?re still horny. Suddenly, one of the Sirens is in a dj booth, being broadcast onto one of the sails, and she turns into a street rapper, saying ?Yo, yo, yo, you didn?t really expect the show to end that way?? Then the men climb onto the boat and everyone has a giant orgy while the dj raps about how the casino took out the kids arcade and now they?re all sexy and cool. All the while, images of the sex scenes and the dj are being beamed onto the sail, just in case you miss anything.

I hated it. And not because there were a bunch of half-naked girls. I hated it because there was nothing good about it. The storyline was trite, the script poor, the costumes garish, and it had no soul. No one clapped, no one yelled, no one cheered or even seemed to care. Yes, it was packed ? it is a free show and it was a beautiful night, after all ? but don?t take the kids. They won?t get it and there?s really nothing else interesting going on. It?s not ?bad versus good? so much as it is ?horny and willing versus horny and willing to fight a little first.?

Everyone I was with (50% guys) thought it was lame, and the guys said they wanted that hour of their lives back. (The show is nearly 30 minutes, and we went early to get a good view.) It was awful. As one person (a man) said, ?It had all of the bad production values of a strip club with none of the payoff.? Even that gives it too much credit.

Bettie

Kasey · 11-07-2003, 09:04 AM

30 Minutes?! Someone should tell them "more" is not the same as "better".

> Everyone I was with (50% guys) thought it
> was lame, and the guys said they wanted that
> hour of their lives back. (The show is
> nearly 30 minutes, and we went early to get
> a good view.)