Bettie: Las Vegas Rules

[Bettie]

These rules are going around the 'net and ended up in today's "Road Warrior" column in the LVRJ:

1. First, it's pronounced LOSS-VAYGUS. It doesn't matter how they say it in other places.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Las Vegas has its own set of traffic rules. There's no book about them. All you can do is get in your car and hope you survive to learn them.

3. All directions start with, "Go down U.S. Highway 95, 'cause you don't want to get on Interstate 15."

4. Las Vegas Boulevard, Charleston Boulevard and Torrey Pines Drive have no beginning and no end.

5. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street that you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic drive."

6. The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 4:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. The 5 p.m. rush hour is from 11:30 a.m. to 10:15 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning and ends sometime late Sunday night.

7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, then you cannot be from Las Vegas. You may apply your brakes only when the end of a yellow light and the beginning of the red light create a "pumpkin-orange" hue.

8. For the most part, you can do anything you want, as long as it isn't in a school zone.

9. Just remember that Camino Al Norte is Martin Luther King Boulevard; Boulder Highway is Fremont Street; Eastern Avenue is 25th Street or Civic Center Drive; Desert Inn Road is Lamb Boulevard; and Spring Mountain Road/Sands Avenue/Twain Avenue are all the same street. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people simply will tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.

10. Rainbow Boulevard has THREE exits from U.S. 95. This just makes giving driving directions to newbies more entertaining. There is also a Lake Mead "Drive" and a Lake Mead "Boulevard" and both run east/west but are 10 miles apart. You have to be specific when you say "the corner of Lake Mead and ... ." Again, this is just another way to harass the 5,000 newcomers every month.

11. Many major roads just end abruptly in somebody's garage, a Home Depot, a casino or McCarran International Airport runways and start again after the interruption. That was done to encourage you to "see the sights" and meet new people. For fun, just try to take Harmon Avenue from Rainbow Boulevard to Nellis Boulevard.

12. If moisture at hand is determined to be rain, not sweat, all traffic must immediately cease. Ditto for daylight savings time, a girl applying eye shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over. Do not attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event such as snow, blowing dust or a three-day weekend.

13. Once a year, when it rains, the Las Vegas Wash and the city of Las Vegas are one.

14. The wind blows every day, and it is impossible to live in Las Vegas without some kind of allergy drug.

15. Construction on I-15 and U.S. 95 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. The Las Vegas Beltway will never be completed. Get used to it!

16. Stay away from the corner of Nellis and Las Vegas boulevards if you do not like the thought of being in a remake of the movie "Top Gun."

17. And, yes, we all know that man in a teddy and a tiara on Fremont Street. His name is Leslie and he probably makes more money than you do.

[aussie joe]

In Australia we have the same sort of ludicrousy, where a street is also a road, is also a highway. To make things worse, a street 5 km's long may have 5 or 6 suburbs on it, and the house/business numbers are scattered all over the place. I found this out the hard way when I first came here. I phoned from the airport for a room advertised in the local newspaper, took the bus from the airport and got off when I saw numbers approaching the street number I was looking for. I then walked for about another 3 km and 4 suburbs (with heavy bags) before I actually got there.