Warnings for new successful players who build up a roll into high 6 low 7 figures fro

[Goatlife]

So I started on this board in 2012. I owe a lot to it cause I got some good advice with my newbie questions but then once I got into the swing of things worked I came up with a different style of play and did really well for myself. I played most big action places if not all in Canada, USA, carribean , and Panama. Made one trip to South Korea.

i had some denial about my up bringing and started to develop debilitating anexity that the professional gambling surley did not help. I started therapy 2.5 years ago and that’s when it became difficult for me to play. I moved to California to get away from things back east and start a new life. I thought about going back to being a financial advisor but with all that money I didn’t want to get off my ass and work a real job. I started getting sugar baby on seeking arangements and prob blew like 75k on them. I have deep seated intimacy issues so really relationships involve panic on me. I started banking baccarat in the cali card room and did real well with that but for some reason it tilted me. I started straight gambling 20k a hand on banker and in less then a week I made 700k. That’s was the end for me and everytime I tried to call up the bank and give me 150k cashto start up a new bankroll to start card counting I would get this massive anexity and go play baccarat to alleviate it. The intention was always to card count and travel but never to play bac. I lost 680k the following week and my bankroll hit atm was 1,893,000. I wanted to hit 2 million then I was gunna chill out with the minus ev stuff. It never happened. So over the the last 1.5 to 2 years my life would look like hanging out in SANTA Monica and getting escorts/sugar babies.then ever 3 months I would get bored and want to try earning money threw card counting. I did this successful from about November to Jan 2017-2018. I played Vegas and got tossed and flyers all over in a week and the flyers made it all over. I did some stuff about ctring in an ein number and when the found out my real identity they bugged and flyerd me all over. It was really hard for me to play. I found some horrible countable games in the cards rooms where I could get a score 17 and play all day with 5k-6k top bets. I played all day and night and after like 2-3 weeks I turned around the slump and made like 150k. Now what I didn’t realize at the time is I was craving action so I was looking for huge games to play. I know the dragon limits in la are huge and I found a game with a rebate I could count the dragon 7 in bac and make 4K a day in ev right by my house. It was a horrible as it score 16 when u factor in the rebate because the pen was 1 deck. I ran insanely bad and lost 183k betting. 700 on the dragon 7 when the true count trigger indicted it needed to be bet. I took some time off and that tilted my lights out and start doing a betting progression of 10k to 20k on a wining hand. So I have decided I’m quitting trying to card count and going back to a career where I can slowly build up a business over time ( prob 10 years). Gambling has turned really destructive for me and I’m still processing a lot of stuff emotionally from therapy. My roll now sits at 380k from 1,893,000. I tell this story to see if I can help any other people out here. If ur getting anexity before u play , or from traveling, or carrying cash please go see a therapist who has there PhD. From all the deep work I did is I really didn’t ever want to card count. I did this unconiously cause I wanted his love I never got and this made him proud and he would brag to all his friends about me. My therapist things this is why I self sabotaged myself. My parents have personality disorders that I wasn’t aware of so my upbringing was torturous and I rebelled as hard as I could as a teenager.

so what I have to show from my ap career is 380k. No friends, no relationship and isolation. When u realize the money is just a defense mechanism to block deep seated pain you really have no use for it besides living. Please think twice for anyone who wants to get into this career if they have other options. It’s not the best mental health career and I see patterns of childhood truama playing out in a lot of ap pros. There are certain tells and I can pick them up cause I can see what was repressed in me so I know what to look for in them.

i can’t be the only won where the gambling turned ugly for them. Im confident enough to tell my story and not feel shame if I can help another person. Bet of luck to everyone and good cards!

[vagabond]

Thanks for sharing, man

[Goatlife]

No problem dude!

[Banker]

Thanks for sharing SCG. It takes courage for a person to confront his/her weaknesses and it seems you are working to be better and better every day. Best wishes.

[What me worry]

I don't post on here much, but I wish you the best your demons can be beat. It looks like you're on the right path just be totally honest with yourself during the healing.

[Halbruno]

Your story sounds a bit similar to Josh Axelrad the author of "Repeat Until Rich." Maybe one day you'll write a book?

[Stealth]

SCG,

I have followed your activities from afar and am glad to here you got some help and are on a better path.

Best wishes and stay the course!

[BJNewbeeNoMore]

Thanks for posting smallcap. Take it easy.

[VABJ]

Wishing you only the best.

[ZenMaster_Flash]

SCG,

Much respect to you for having the courage to share
some painful parts of your life with us. I identify very
closely with your situation. Just because we are smart
enough to engage in A.P. activities does that mean that
we should? No, it does not. For many of us, money loses
its value, and we find ourselves turning our lives over to
the pursuit of a chimerical goal. For many of us gambling,
with or without an edge, is highly toxic.

I recall how we met. I put you up in my suite at the MGM
Grand in Las Vegas some years ago.

I wish you the very best in all of your endeavors, but I
hope that your "inner journey" takes precedence over
all else.

"Security exists in the recognition of its non-existence."

Within our warped upbringings, we were brain-washed
into imagining that our worth is reflected in our bankroll.

I am retired. I will say that I am > 95% retired. The transition
was, and still is, profoundly difficult.

[SammyBoy]

Best wishes to you SCG. For me AP has had the opposite effect. I started out as a ploppy gambler that loved the action. I hated losing though and started looking for a way win. That's when I learned about card counting and also found BJ21. I now despise gambling without an edge and just don't do it.

I hope you are able to find peace in your life.

[Dbs6582]

I never stated it before here or on any other forum because I didn't want to be negative; but I always wondered how many of us use being an AP as a shield enabling denial of deep problems.

My favorite cousin, Michael, was an educated man. A high school teacher. He wasn't an AP but he loved to gamble.

He spent the last 3 years of his life in a homeless shelter. He gambled away everything.

It might seem that since he wasn't an AP that this story is not relevant. But I think it is relevant. Because he was very intelligent. Just as most APs are very intelligent.

Very intelligent people are sometimes unable to prevent themselves from doing things that defy common sense.

Thanks so much for sharing your story Smallcap. It has a great chance of helping others.

Drunk, your story with your cousin is similar to what happened to one of my best friends. He graduated from the same college I did and went onto a good paying job at Chevron. He was more of a gambler than an AP, but he did play somewhat with an advantage when he played with me since he knew I counted. He liked to bet big; I was always comfortable red chipping. He recently declared bankruptcy and lost his house to foreclose. All because of gambling loses. He still has a job at Chevron making 6 figures but he now lives in a low-end rental.

A person I met through blackjack apprenticeship recently tapped out. He had some big loses in Vegas and Biloxi before he told me was taking a break until he built up his bankroll again. He played big and got backed off, 86'd and fliered routinely. What's interesting is he lost more than he ever won counting cards but the casinos still didn't want his action. The bja group promotes this type of play...hail marry bankrolls, big spreads and we're told to not worry about backoff and barrings. The key is to get the money.

So far, I haven't had this problem since I play mostly for fun and I like the challenge of the game. It's more of a way for me to unwind from my work on weekends, than a way for me to make any meaningful income.

Thanks for telling your story Smallcap! This took a lot of courage. It helped people open up and share some of their negative experiences. Too often APs feel pressure to only share positive stories, and about how much they took from the casinos. The value of our life is much more than how much we won from a casino. As with all professions, there's a dark side to being an AP too.

This is one reason I'm the "doubting Thomas" when I hear stories by various new APs on how much they won and their glamerous lifestyle. These stories encourage newbies to pursue this type of lifestyle. It's good to see a respected AP tell the other side.

[Goatlife]

You know I got to be honest I thought the thread I started here and at bj21 where going to be taken a lot differently. I really appreciate everyone’s kindness and non shaming attitude. People hit me up from time to time and ask me for advice or ask me to speak or do a podcast somewhere. I feel like a fraud and my biggest priority in life is to be authentic. I mean I always thought masculinity meant having a lot of money, showing off, and fucking a lot of younger hot woman. I learned these narsistic tendendies from my father and I’m pretty sure my mom is somewhat of a sugar baby so when I took a step back and processed all this without judgement or shame I got a better clarity of how I operate and what my defense mechanisms where. I realize I was doing what was called “truama repition”. when you truly grasp that emotionally the money stops meaning what it means and u realize ur torturing self and giving up ur life to travel every week with 6 figures in cash, fake ids and constantly getting death stares and being hated in the casino.( possibly being hated by tsa, custom agents and dea on occasion )

In the end the only way I was gunna stop that life style is if the money was gone. I had to shut it down in order for me to be happy and get a better clarity of what was going on inside me. If anyone has depression or anexity please don’t just label those symptoms and say there is something wrong with u. That is just surface level knowledge. When you get those feels don’t try to distract urself threw an activity or behavior just close ur eyes and breathe and try to remember when the first time you ever felt that way. A lot of stuff will come up for you and you will realize those feelings “aren’t what they seem”