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Thread: Bettie: What if you were King of Las Vegas?

  1. #1
    Bettie
    Guest

    Bettie: What if you were King of Las Vegas?


    The link below takes you to the full column of LVRJ publisher Sherman Frederick, but it basically comes down to the list here:

    I'd issue these 10 decrees on my first day on the throne:

    1. Elected officials who come into office driving a $12,000 car shall leave office driving a $12,000 car. If you want to get rich, don't do the people's work.

    2. Gambling addicts playing the slots in a grocery store shall stop smoking when people are shopping.

    3. Big trucks unable to turn on a normal city street without sweeping into another lane shall be illegal. A sign on the back of the truck warning of "wide turns" won't cut it.

    4. Schools named for those who did nothing other than know somebody shall be renamed for worthy folks, or vegetables. Student choice.

    5. Movie theaters burrowed deep in casinos, forcing patrons to negotiate multi-level parking structures and take unnecessary hikes through rows of slot machines, shall be reconfigured.

    6. No funding for mass transit systems that do not transit masses.

    7. When road construction workers draw new lines on the freeway, the old lines must be erased. Completely.

    8. All Nevada Department of Motor Vehicles clerks who input data must know how to type. Hunt-and-peck doesn't count.

    9. Mayor Oscar Goodman's shtick as a lounge lizard lush shall cease. Further, hizzoner's freedom to drink shall be tied to acts of leadership. No leadership, no martini.

    10. And finally, winds greater than 20 mph shall not be allowed in the Las Vegas Valley. Any day not complying with this decree shall result in a "jail day" for former crook County Commissioner Erin Kenny. That way, at least something good comes of a windy day.


    Personally, I'm a big fan of number 7. If I were Queen, I'd redraw all of the lines so that the city of Las Vegas actually covers everything that people thinks it covers and not just a blob of land downtown. There are also some pretty slimy NV Supreme Court Justices who'd be looking for another job. So, without getting too political, what would you decree as King (or Queen) of Las Vegas?

    Bettie

    PS - Muffin tops and coin slots would be outlawed, as well they should the world over.



  2. #2
    Sonny
    Guest

    Sonny: Re: What if you were King of Las Vegas?

    > PS - Muffin tops and coin slots would be outlawed, as
    > well they should the world over.

    Muffin tops and coin slots? Isn't that the title of Britney's new album? =)

    -Sonny-

  3. #3
    Geoff Hall
    Guest

    Geoff Hall: Re: What if you were King of Las Vegas?

    > So, without getting too political, what
    > would you decree as King (or Queen) of Las Vegas?

    > Bettie

    > PS - Muffin tops and coin slots would be outlawed, as
    > well they should the world over.

    Here goes :-

    1. I'd set a written exam' that had to be passed by anyone who was to be promoted to Inspector, or Pit Boss, so that they all had rudimentary knowledge on the games and math'.

    2. Stop hotels for charging visitors to make local calls from their rooms.

    3. Stop casinos from closing swimming pools in October (us Europeans are happy to swim if it's 60 F + outside).

    4. Provide signage on all table games showing the house edge of each game for correct play.

    5. Force all casinos downtown to provide double glazing to all rooms that overlook Fremont Street. That way I won't get that saxophone player ringing in my head everytime I stop there.

    6. Ban ALL slot ticket payout slips that have an expiry date on them.

    7. Force casino restaurants to provide proper bacon instead of the crispy fat that is now on offer. Also, to provide baked potatoes with crispy skins.

    8. Impose 'wet weather' speed limits as most drivers in Las Vegas seem incapable of driving in the rain.

    9. Place signs in cabs stating "You have a choice of the I15 or The Strip", instead of allowing cab drivers to make the decision for you. (Very annoying at 2am).

    10. Place rubber buttons in the elevators so that I don't get a static shock everytime I go to my room.

  4. #4
    Bettie
    Guest

    Bettie: Actually,

    I'm pretty sure that album is called "8 pounds of $h!t in a 5-pound bag."

    Bettie

  5. #5
    Bettie
    Guest

    Bettie: And if I were Queen

    I'd immediately veto your number one! Unless your intent is to make them more aware of the fact that most "counters" will not beat their games so they don't have to be so paranoid, that is. Problem is, a little knowledge really is a dangerous thing in this game ? on both sides of the table!

    Bettie

    > 1. I'd set a written exam' that had to be passed by
    > anyone who was to be promoted to Inspector, or Pit
    > Boss, so that they all had rudimentary knowledge on
    > the games and math'.

  6. #6
    Geoff Hall
    Guest

    Geoff Hall: Re: And if I were Queen

    > I'd immediately veto your number one! Unless your
    > intent is to make them more aware of the fact that
    > most "counters" will not beat their games so
    > they don't have to be so paranoid, that is. Problem
    > is, a little knowledge really is a dangerous thing in
    > this game ? on both sides of the table!

    > Bettie

    This leads nicely in to something that happened to me wile I was in Moscow.

    I had 10 casino managers, in a meeting about new games, and took the opportunity to ask them how much the hourly earnings would be for a card counter who played a 6-deck shoe, with regular rules, and spread from $25 - $200 according to the count. Playing all hands.

    Apart from one close'ish answer ($50/ per hour), the answers ranged from $250-$1,000 per hour.

    So, the exam' would contain questions of that nature as well to lessen the paranoia towards card counters.

  7. #7
    Greasy John
    Guest

    Greasy John: Re: What if you were King of Las Vegas?

    1. People visiting Las Vegas would be required to drive through the Naked City at least once.

    2. The Voodoo Lounge would be required to play real music.

    3. Oscar Goodman's final resting place should be next to Tony the Ant.

    4. Any art exhibit in Las Vegas would be required to have at least one picture of a pole dancer.

    5. All major intersections should have a sign warning: Light May Never Change.

    6 There should be a contest held for the best sarcastic dealer "Thank You."

  8. #8
    Wildcard
    Guest

    Wildcard: well, my 2 cents

    I decree:

    1. All Griffin related activities are to cease immediately. All documents confiscated and burned in the center of Fremont St.

    2. Card counting shall be deemed as an appropriate tool with which to enhance the gaming experience. Any person found to successfully implement the activites of his/her synapse shall not be infringed.

    3. Any person found to be a "door slammer" in any hotel/motel shall immediately be banished to the Western. Door slamming between the hours of 5AM and 8AM shall incur more harsh penalties, one of which will be to watch 5 consecutive Wayne Newton shows. Doing this at the Mirage can be fatal.

    4. Any taxi driver found to take passengers on the I-15 "through the tunnel" sleigh ride shall be imprisoned for life, no parole. Harsh because of personal experience!

    5. Any person walking up to a blackjack table and asking the dealer "is this a blackjack table"? is to be shot on sight. Actually witnessed this in Wendover, one of those junket plopus-ultra-maximus folks.

    6. A special section shall be established within each casino. This section will consist of the appropriate number of gaming tables/slot machines to house 85%+/- of current gambling clientle. To enhance the gaming experience in this section, a LARGE neon, flashing sign shall be placed at the entrance, said sign will read "Ploppie Kingdom, you must play here". This goes for the "monkey, monkey" whackos. Additionally, other signs flashing "6-5 payoff, WOW", and "CSM's are Us" are to be placed at the entry.

    7. As a gesture of appreciation to all advantage players, a "Thank The Card Counter" committee shall be formed each year as an ad hoc function to select a casino within which to hold a "Thank You Card Counters" banquet. Air fare provided. I am appointing Drumzy as the Ombudsmen for this function. I've seen Drumzy in action, he can handle this task.

    8. A special airport exit shall be established for card counters. This exit shall have a minimum of 10 taxis on hand day or night to provide rapid and direct transportation to the passenger's destination. This fleet of cabs shall be known as "Git 'r done".

    9. Hustling of tokes is verboten. Any dealer found hustling tips is to be terminated immediately. No recourse. (One of those life experience pain in the ass memory things).

    10. Those in need along the Western area and beyond shall be offered medical attention and additional assistance should they desire help. Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners will be provided along Fremont Street.

    11. Any person deplaning at McCarren singing "Viva Las Vegas" shall be deported.

    Da King

  9. #9
    Parker
    Guest

    Parker: Parker's Proclamations

    The referenced article was written from the viewpoint of a local. I intend to make things easier for the lifeblood of Las Vegas, the frequent visitor.

    1. All hotel rooms must be equipped with the following: coffee makers, iron & ironing boards, in-room safes, free high-speed Internet access.

    2. It shall be a felony to allow children to amuse themselves by running up and down the halls in hotels. Offending families will be escorted to the airport and flown to Disneyland.

    3. Casinos may continue to offer 6:5 single deck (or multi-deck), but they may no longer call it blackjack. It will not, however, be allowed in any downtown casino.

    4. All construction resources in Clark County shall immediately be devoted, 24/7, to finishing Interstate 15 from Blue Diamond to north of the spagetti bowl. All other construction work will be halted until this stretch of freeway is completed. (If my domain extends further south, I-15 shall be completed all the way to San Diego.)

    5. The porn-slappers along the strip shall be immediately transported into some sort of parallel universe. If this is not practical, then they shall all be arrested and forced to perform community service consisting of cleaning up litter along the strip.

    6. Cabs will be prohibited from using the tunnel under the airport, period. This should solve that problem once and for all.

    7. Once the aforementioned I-15 projects are completed, all construction resources in Clark County will then be devoted to extending the Monorail north to downtown and southeast to the airport. In addition, fares for the monorail may be no higher than for an express CAT bus.

    8. Binion's will be seized via eminent domain, the name restored to Binion's Horseshoe, and the casino restored so that everything, including the games, is the way it was circa 1980. It will then be declared a National Historic Monument.

    9. Upon hearing the phrase "No additional coverage," rental car agents will be prohibited from discussing the subject further.

    10. All casinos large enough to have more than one tables game pit shall have at least half the casino designated non-smoking, separated from the smoking section with a physical barrier, and a separate ventilation system installed. Games offered in the non-smoking section must be the same as those in the smoking section.

    By order of His Eminence, King Parker I.

    It is good to be king.


  10. #10
    Sonny
    Guest

    Sonny: Re: well, my 2 cents

    > I decree:
    >
    >1. All Griffin related activities are to cease
    > immediately. All documents confiscated and burned
    > in the center of Fremont St.

    Why don?t we leave the documents in the office and just burn down the whole thing?

    > 2. Card counting shall be deemed as an appropriate tool
    > with which to enhance the gaming experience. Any person
    > found to successfully implement the activites of his/her
    > synapse shall not be infringed.

    I agree completely! Some people drink, others count. Either can make the game more enjoyable and each player should be free to choose whichever method they prefer.

    > 5. Any person walking up to a blackjack table and asking
    > the dealer "is this a blackjack table"? is to be shot on
    > sight.

    I?m guilty! In fact, I still use that line sometimes when I?m backcounting?

    > 8. A special airport exit shall be established for card
    > counters. This exit shall have a minimum of 10 taxis on
    > hand day or night to provide rapid and direct
    > transportation to the passenger's destination. This
    > fleet of cabs shall be known as "Git 'r done".

    I?ll go a step further and say that there should be a shuttle service dedicated to Advantage Players ? and there should be twice as many during shift changes. And, of course, the drivers won?t expect any tips! No longer will we waste our time waiting for the valet, taxi, or bus. After all, lost time is lost EV!

    -Sonny-

  11. #11
    drumz1
    Guest

    drumz1: (Ahem) If I may add a couple of comments, WC.....:-)

    > I decree:

    > 1. All Griffin related activities are to cease
    > immediately. All documents confiscated and burned in
    > the center of Fremont St.


    COMMENT: ......How about throwing Griffin in the bonfire, as well?

    > 2. Card counting shall be deemed as an appropriate
    > tool with which to enhance the gaming experience. Any
    > person found to successfully implement the activites
    > of his/her synapse shall not be infringed.


    COMMENT: Agree completely.

    > 3. Any person found to be a "door slammer"
    > in any hotel/motel shall immediately be banished to
    > the Western. Door slamming between the hours of 5AM
    > and 8AM shall incur more harsh penalties, one of which
    > will be to watch 5 consecutive Wayne Newton shows.
    > Doing this at the Mirage can be fatal.


    COMMENT: 5 consecutive Wayne Newton shows might not be enough. Depending on the number of occurrences, the penalty might be increased to more than just 5 WN shows.

    > 4. Any taxi driver found to take passengers on the
    > I-15 "through the tunnel" sleigh ride shall
    > be imprisoned for life, no parole. Harsh because of
    > personal experience!


    COMMENT: 4. Any taxi driver found to take passengers on the I-15 "through the tunnel" sleigh ride shall become part of the tunnel itself, that is to say, dropped into a fresh block of concrete and set into the tunnel wall. Hey, if they love that tunnel so much, they won't mind it one bit.

    > 5. Any person walking up to a blackjack table and
    > asking the dealer "is this a blackjack
    > table"? is to be shot on sight. Actually
    > witnessed this in Wendover, one of those junket
    > plopus-ultra-maximus folks.


    COMMENT: In lieu of being shot on sight, the offender should be forced to sit at the blackjack table all by him/herself and be dealt to by a mechanic who demands the player to toke on every hand. In no event shall the player be allowed to leave said table until his/her BR is completed wiped out.

    > 6. A special section shall be established within each
    > casino. This section will consist of the appropriate
    > number of gaming tables/slot machines to house 85%+/-
    > of current gambling clientle. To enhance the gaming
    > experience in this section, a LARGE neon, flashing
    > sign shall be placed at the entrance, said sign will
    > read "Ploppie Kingdom, you must play here".
    > This goes for the "monkey, monkey" whackos.
    > Additionally, other signs flashing "6-5 payoff,
    > WOW", and "CSM's are Us" are to be
    > placed at the entry.


    COMMENT: You go, boy.

    > 7. As a gesture of appreciation to all advantage
    > players, a "Thank The Card Counter"
    > committee shall be formed each year as an ad hoc
    > function to select a casino within which to hold a
    > "Thank You Card Counters" banquet. Air fare
    > provided. I am appointing Drumzy as the Ombudsmen for
    > this function. I've seen Drumzy in action, he can
    > handle this task.


    COMMENT: Thank you for the ringing endorsement. The only way I could accept your generous offer would be for you to provide all the card counters with an ample supply of good southern barbeque from you-know-where. No Yankee barbeque imitations, please. Actually, at this time, I'm too busy counting cards myself to accept this esteemed position, but keep me in mind next year, by all means.

    > 8. A special airport exit shall be established for
    > card counters. This exit shall have a minimum of 10
    > taxis on hand day or night to provide rapid and direct
    > transportation to the passenger's destination. This
    > fleet of cabs shall be known as "Git 'r
    > done".


    COMMENT: In addition to the above, all taxi passengers shall receive a current copy of CBJN and Trackjack free gratis.

    > 9. Hustling of tokes is verboten. Any dealer found
    > hustling tips is to be terminated immediately. No
    > recourse. (One of those life experience pain in the
    > ass memory things).


    COMMENT: Any dealer found to be hustling tips, in addition to being immediately terminated, shall be placed in a cage and fed with a slingshot.

    > 10. Those in need along the Western area and beyond
    > shall be offered medical attention and additional
    > assistance should they desire help. Thanksgiving and
    > Christmas dinners will be provided along Fremont
    > Street.


    COMMENT: Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners shall not be prepared by the Western grill. I want to continue living, thankyaverymuch.

    > 11. Any person deplaning at McCarren singing
    > "Viva Las Vegas" shall be deported.


    COMMENT: I thought Elvis was still dead.

    :-)

    All in good fun,
    drumz1


  12. #12
    Wildcard
    Guest

    Wildcard: Re: (Ahem) If I may add a couple of comments, WC.....:-)

    Re: #7

    I forgot to add that being the Ombudsman for this social event requires you to fly as often as need be to you know where to acquire said barbeque. A Gulfstream IV jet will be at your beck and call for this and any other activity you deem necessary. The co-owner of said barbeque establishment has graciously offered to personally assist you with this task, including flying to Vegas with fresh product. Still gonna be busy counting cards?

    Griffin and all associates shall be burned at the stake as it appears I was a bit to easy on them. Cattle prod anyone?

    Good comments all!

    :-)
    Regards,
    WC

  13. #13
    Greasy John
    Guest

    Greasy John: Re: (Ahem) If I may add a couple of comments, WC.....:-)

    > COMMENT: ......How about throwing Griffin in the
    > bonfire, as well?

    > COMMENT: Agree completely.

    I don't know. Do we really want to create a martyr a la Joan of Arc? "Viva la casino!"

    GJ

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